You can’t have influence if people groan when they see your name in their inbox.
Well, you can if you have VP in your title. But before that, the single easiest thing you can do to be more influential is this:
Work with (not against) human nature.
These are my 6 favourite, simplest, science-backed ways to do that.
1. Find the thing you both hate
Really the advice is to start on their side or find the mutual goal. Definitely do that. Like “I know you’re trying to x this quarter, this could help you do that by …”
But a lot of the time (most cross-functional situations) your goals are the exact problem. One team pushing their priorities on the other. Even then, you can find common ground in something you both don’t want. Nothing bonds two people faster than shared annoyance.
2. Would you be open to …
People have a natural tendency to resist being pushed. Personally I find this the easiest way to introduce a different opinion or idea to someone senior/defensive.
3. The Loop-Back
The Loop-Back is when you go back and give someone proof their advice was good.
I know it works because I do it. And people do it to me. It’s so. damn. effective.
In your job:
The psychology behind it is that your success is signal that their judgment is good so people get a little invested in you. Wonderful way to get unofficial mentors.
Relationships = influence
Build bridges before you need them
4. Stop talking for four seconds¹
Sometimes the best way to influence is to let silence do the work for you.
Someone I coach did this brilliantly last week. She (the diligent high performer) had been left leading something because other stakeholders were dragging their feet on their parts. In the meeting, she set the context: why we’re here, what needs to be done by the end. Then she stopped.
The silence got them talking. They figured it out amongst themselves instead of it landing on her to fix.
Almost everyone feels the pull to fill a silence, including you (and me, oh god this is me). So we jump in before anyone else can.
5. Don’t leave the kind thought in your head
How many times have you thought of a coworker: “wow, that was such a good presentation” and then … said nothing.
How many times have you GIVEN a presentation and felt extra vulnerable after?
You know this instinctively but we all need the reminder:
Appreciation is way more powerful than most of us realise.
There’s so much science backing this. But it’s surprisingly easy to neglect. Work moves too fast. We assume they already know, or they won’t care.
6. Share credit, even when you don’t have to²
I almost deleted this one because you hear it everywhere. But, it’s done more for my internal reputation and lateral influence than anything else.
In most workplaces, praise is treated like a scarce resource. People compete for it. They protect it. They absorb it personally.
But on Superteams, teammates were significantly more likely to share credit for accomplishments by acknowledging others who contributed to their success.That simple habit has an outsized effect. People who share credit come across as both more likeable and more competent.
Via Superteams: Science & Secrets of High-Performing Teams
Small things I do:
This doesn’t mean you don’t take credit that’s yours. It’s not about giving away visibility or power. It’s reminding yourself you don’t always have to compete and to lift other people up along the way the too.
Sprinkles with no cake
Important to call out that none of this works without credibility. If you don’t have credibility that you’re baseline good at your job, these things are a bit like sprinkles with no cake. But if you read this far, I suspect you’re the kind of person who’s very good.
Which of these do you already do btw?
Love Soph x
¹ i said this list was easy things but what a lie. Stopping talking, sitting in silence … IS THE HARDEST. For me personally anyway. Takes so much practice. I still have to have a little talk with myself before I go into some meetings (esp with people who intimidate me).
² except in your performance review. Take the credit you deserve there baby!